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Front Page » June 24, 2008 » Opinion » Slim Randles' Home Country
Published 3,167 days ago

Slim Randles' Home Country

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By Slim Randles

It's not fair that kids have all the summer fun. It's not that we begrudge them the running and squealing and yelling "Help!" when they aren't in trouble. We don't. We look at them and say, "I can remember what that felt like…"

So if you're under 10 years old, go tell your mama she wants you, because this is just for more "experienced" people.

Pssst… It's June. It's hot. It's …. sprinkler time.

Oh yes. Since we're over 10, we'll wear bathing suits … probably, and we more than likely won't want a crowd around, either. But why should just children get to run through the sprinkler? Even if we have to … well, hobble through the sprinkler.

The whole idea is to feel once more those diamond drops of cooling paradise caressing our legs and tummies and chests. To feel the cool of the water as it hits us and tells us we're not too old to have fun.

When we were small we ran through whatever kind of sprinkler our parents furnished us. But now we're the ones in charge. Now we can pick and choose the right one.

The venerable Rain Bird? Nope. It irrigates beautifully, but stings legs as it goes chu….chu….chu….chu….chu-chu-chu-chu back to home base again. What we need is something soft and soothing, and the old-fashioned one-piece flower-blossom sprinkler that sits there quietly and radiates is just the ticket.

Now there is always the chance of offspring witnessing this and applying to the state for full custody of your pickup and their choice of rest home if you're caught. So here's the plan.

Do this at night. After all, we're old enough to be out after dark now, right? And our lawns absorb more water after dark anyway. And should a grandkid or two catch us and ask why we're wearing a bathing suit?

"There's always the remote chance," you tell them, "with these primitive water-distribution devices, to end up with wet clothing. This is simply my way of saving on a potential cleaning bill."

Hey, it might work.…

Brought to you by the good folks at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. Give them a hand at

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June 24, 2008
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